Humor will help you finish—
no matter what race you enter. (Dr. Siegel)

I have a friend who has run 100 marathons. I suspect it is my friend’s sense of humor that has enabled him to do that.

Humor heals! Humor is a great stress buster! Without it, life can be oppressive
Humor is a wonderful parenting tool!

Use humor to bring fun into your family.

It can lighten up homework and ease boredom.

Of course, you may have to listen to

101 Pickle Jokes!!!!!!!!

Do something out of character; surprise your children!

Here is my suggestion for a winter project. Create a list, or a fill a jar, with activities that will produce laughter or be fun. Let the all the family contribute.

Some ideas:

• Hold a bubble blowing contest

• Make a fort out of spare blankets; eat lunch or take a nap in it
• Eat saltine crackers and hold a whistling contest
• New name day; everyone choose a silly or unusual name for the day.

Now it’s up to you; run with it and have fun!

Transitioning from the heightened activity of the holidays often stresses our children. Their systems are out of balance; food and sleep have been disrupted. Suddenly they are back to school. They have homework again. As the activity level changes, our children can often use some help acclimating to “ordinary time.” Sleep and nutrition are excellent remedies for restoring balance.

Marge Hicke

In these unsettled times and with many of our loved ones deployed, the continued challenge for parents and caregivers is to provide our children with stability and a sense of security. How we meet this challenge will depend on the developmental stage of our children and our ability to manage our own sense of distress and, perhaps, despair.To shield our children in times of emergency or in daily life, we can maintain everyday routines, be attentive, avoid unnecessary separations, participate with them in activities, be patient and make decisions with forethought and when we are calm. Information abounds in this day and age. Our children need to be shielded from too much information; they do not need to know all the details. This is especially true with our younger children. On the other hand, with our adolescents, we will spend much more time listening to their views and opinions of the current events, in order to allow them to traverse the landscape of their minds. We will share with them our own views, without judging their ideas. In listening with our hearts, we will better ascertain what our children are searching for and, then, be able to avoid flooding them with too much information and with our own adult agenda and distress. And, we will shield them the explicit details and content of constant television and radio newscasts.

As parents, or caregivers, it is imperative that we take care of ourselves. If we do not know how to nurture ourselves, the challenge is to learn to do so, to find outlets with other adults to deal with our fears and concerns. It is our job as adults to grapple with the stresses of the world; it is our job to maintain faith in the future for our children. In doing this we allow our children to experience the limits, structure, expressions of love and attention that will facilitate their appropriate progress through developmental stages.

In these unsettled times we pray; we search for meaning and understanding. We ponder what we want our children to know about this history that is unfolding before our eyes. Then we instill in them a hope for the world we envision–even in unsettling times. 

Marge Hicke

• Always say “I love you”–no matter how much your children are in your face or acting out.
• All adults have an awesome responsibility to the children we encounter.
• They learn by modeling how we act.
• Goal of parenting is to give roots and wings.
• Build relationships, live by your values, create rituals, make memories.
• Each child is unique. You are the expert on your child, but be open to accept feedback from others who interact with your child.
• Parenting is not a popularity contest.
• The parents job is to be a role model, provide structure,be the anchor.
• Learn about and understand the development stage your child is going through.
• Provide consequences and responsibility.
• For learning to occur there must be consequences, positive or negative.
• Allow your children to experience the consequences of their actions.
• Give validation for what you like and appreciate.
• Communication
• Learn to LISTEN.
• “Check It Out” Often the message received is not the message that was sent–use active and reflective listening
• Knowledge is power.
• Know where your children are, who they are with. Learn about drugs and the internet. The more you know, the harder it is for them to fool you.
• Build a relationship with your children.
• connected and make special time to enjoy them.
• Take care of yourself, and of your marriage and relationships.
• Have fun times; create memories.
• Say “I Love You” often; no one can hear those word too often.

1. Be positive with child.
2. Give unconditional love.
3. Use praise and encouragement–focus on positive.
4. Avoid labeling, name-calling.
5. Give responsibility; age appropriate chores (not tied to making money).
6. Provide positive experiences outside of the home.
7. Keep expectations realistic and age appropriate.
8. Be clear that the child is who he/she is, not us.
9. Surround child with positive people.
10. Acknowledge child’s feelings (all feelings).
11. Listen to children–show interest.
12. Use self-talk and self-instruction. (”It’s okay if I make a mistake; I can try again.”)
13. Give children QUALITY/SPECIAL TIME.
14. 10 to 15 minutes a day; one-on-one (or as often as you can):

• Child is in charge
• Child chooses the activity
• Give only positive feedback (not a time for talking about poor grades or behavior)
• Use parallel talk
• This time is never taken away as punishment.

Anger in children and adolescents is often a symptom of depression. Following are other signs that may indicate depression.

FEELINGS:

Does your child or teen express sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, guilt and worthlessness; inability to enjoy everyday pleasures? Does your child or teen cry frequently? Is there artwork that expresses inner turmoil?

THINKING:

Does your child or teen have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, completing school work, maintaining grades?

PHYSICAL PROBLEMS:

Does your child or teen complain of frequent headaches, stomach aches, lack of energy? Is there a change in sleep habits–going to bed later; sleeping later; waking earlier; sleeping for long periods during the day? Is there a change in eating habits–eating significantly more or less than usual?

BEHAVIORAL:

Is your child or teen irritable, having a difficult time getting along with others? Does your child or teen want to be alone most of the time–withdrawing from their friends, not visiting or talking with friends? Is your teen or child cutting classes or skipping school or expressing a desire to no longer attend school? Is your teen or child giving away possessions?

SUICIDE RISK: 

Does your adolescent or child talk or think or in any way express ideas of suicide, death or morbid subjects?

If your child or adolescent is exhibiting one or more of these symptoms over a period of time, or if there is a radical change in behavior, here are some suggestions:

• Talk with them about what you observe. Ask if they are okay. There is no danger in raising their awareness of your concerns.
• If you continue to be concerned, call a professional therapist for help. This could be a Marriage and Family Therapist, a Social Worker or a Psychologist.
• You could also talk with a family doctor, a good friend or relative, teachers, clergy, those who your child or teen may know and trust

If you feel that your child or teen is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local crisis line

(in San Diego, California, the number is 1-800-479-3339).

Pete McClintock M.A., MFT

Anger and other negative emotions may be evoked when individuals try to share their experiences with others and those experiences are not listened to or validated. The word “experience” is itself a very broad term and difficult to define. To complicate things more we all experience things differently. Take for example the experience of a sunset. While some individuals revel in its inexplicable beauty others reflect on the wavelengths, refractions of light and other characteristics which define and explain what they are experiencing.

When individuals try to share their unique experiences with others the grounds for a battle between who is right and who is wrong are often laid. When Pontius Pilate was sitting in judgment of Jesus and casually asked “What is truth?” he asked one of the most profound philosophical questions of all time (John 18:38).

Simply put, being “right” and knowing “the truth” helps many people cope with life. Psychologically there is a tendency to simplify and explain things because the unexplained raises our anxiety. This is a primary reason why individuals hold on to their truths and are willing to go through “knock down drag out” fights to defend them!

Imagine a time in the future when a scientist invents a machine that allows us to be someone else for a day. The potential for understanding each other would increase dramatically! Meanwhile we will have to rely on communication to understand one another. The beauty of effective communication is that it enables us to relate our individual “experiences” and “truths” to each other. The main vehicle for achieving this is active listening.

If you practice active listening with your children or spouse positive results are guaranteed. Active listening involves good eye contact, attentive body language and periodical feedback to the person, which acknowledges you heard what was being said. Active listening also involves putting your own “truths” and “experiences” aside for a while; this is the most challenging part for many people.

If you decide to improve your communication skills and practice active listening be aware that you may experience anger and other negative emotions when your own “truths” and “experiences” are challenged and you choose not to defend them. Realizing this and actively paying attention to it will help you let go and expand you own realms of “truth” and “experience” (remember it was not long ago when people believed the world was flat and those who challenged this belief were thought to be “off their rocker”!).

Personal growth involves mindful attention to our own inner fears that limit our openness to alternative experiences of reality. Being conscious of this allows us to open new doors and expand our worlds. In addition our relationships can only improve as we move closer to understanding each other through active listening.